Some funny writing from my husband

Toast and Jam

Here I sit, at my computer, whiling away, thinking of friends faraway in Balalaland. They never seem to write despite the fact they now live in the computer age.

My wife peers over and shoulder and asks, "Why are you writing a letter like that?"

"I'm not going to email it... just putting my thoughts to paper... you know, therapy. Get it off my chest, so to speak."

"Don't you dare send it... it'll hurt their feelings and they may never stop by to see us again."

"Yeah, I know, but at our age all I have left to do is remember the good old days, basketball, dinner out, them coming over to our house, us going over to their house, the kids squealing and crying all the while playing together, us drinking coffee and shootin' the breeze. Life was good."

"We were much younger then. Life has changed. Times have changed, people just don't seem to communicate any more. In the old days people just showed up for a visit and stayed until the chickens went to roost. Then it was the telephone... two longs and a short and everyone picked up the line... you could hear the neighbors' phones click as they listened in on the party line..."

"My aunt and uncle had a phone like that... even I listened in one time."

"Then we got a private line and it cost a dollar more a month for the service but it was worth it, I'm sure."

"You had a phone? We had to use the neighbor's."

"With the advantages of the phone people quit visiting, or so it seemed."

"'If you decide to come over please call first,' yeah, right. Poor excuse."

"Probably glued to the tube most of the time."

"Then if you call, and you do get invited, it has to be during a time when their favorite show is not on. Then they don't turn off the TV during the visit. You practically have to shout over the noise. In the old days you could tell the noisy kids to go outside and play but you can't do that to the TV."

"Ah, the good old days. Remember them well."

"Things changed when we moved... left a lot of good friends and good times behind."

"But the memories followed right along and one day they too will fade."

"Shouldn't be the case, not with the internet. Just tap out a few words, hit 'send' and within seconds they have a message."

"The trouble with email is the nonsense people 'forward' to you thinking you'll enjoy their thoughtfulness. If you're so thoughtful spend a few minutes and tap out a real message and tell us what is going on in your life. Sheesh."

"That sort of went by the wayside with 'My Space' and 'Face Book....even Twitter' People don't mind talking about their personal lives right out in public. Just like people who have cell phones. Give their pertinent information out loud for all the world to hear and then shoot you a dirty look if you appear to be listening. Crazy."

"When I was younger people would whisper into the phone for the sake of privacy.... or they'd use a phone booth and shut the door. Now people walk down the street, or in circles, telling the world as well as the person on the other end all that is going on in their life."

"More like a status symbol...'I have a cell phone... see how big and purty it is? It has more buttons than your keyboard!'"

"How about this: 'My cell phone has more giga-bytes than your satellite TV dish! I can watch an entire movie and ignore you at the same time.'"

"Do people really want to be friends or just appear friendly?"

"Good question."

"When I was a kid you could get up a ball game by word of mouth faster than person with a cell phone. Or you could get a group of kids together and go for a bike ride, all for the sake of doing something on a summer evening."

"We used to ride our bikes all the way to Umatilla for an ice cream cone."

"Now we ride stationary bikes so we don't go anywhere that we might be seen."

"Yeah, with an iPOD in one ear and a Blue Tooth in the other. Don't want to miss a call while we're being entertained and reducing our derriere. Then on the way home we stop by the DQ window and order a small cone and as we pull away we see someone we know and are glad that they are inside and we're driving away and don't have to visit."

"Then we flip them the gesture of the thumb in the ear and pinkie to the lips and mouth the words, 'Call me.'"

"I guess we just want to appear friendly."

"Uh oh!"

"What did you do?"

"I sent it."