Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Facing My Facts

Food!  It's what I think about nearly all of my waking hours.  What to have for breakfast; what not to have for breakfast.  Lunch....dinner....snacks.  Has it been long enough since breakfast to have my morning snack?  Has it been long enough since lunch, dinner?  Am I really hungry?  Am I bored?  How much should I exercise?  Cut back?  Do more?  Eat less?  Eat more?  Eat my exercise calories burned?  Don't eat my exercise calories burned?  Just about the only time I'm not thinking about this is when I'm asleep.

People compliment me often.  It is a good thing I am not a nudist, because if I were NO ONE would say anything nice.  The wrinkly skin on my arms.  The saggy belly.  The way my thighs spread out when I'm sitting down.  The ugly fat pouches on either knee, but especially the left.  My knee fat pads slap together when i walk.

And this is how it is since I've lost over 60 pounds.  I've been in the same place for the most part for over a year and a half.  I exercise 6 days a week.  I faithfully log my food eaten in the diary unless when traveling makes it impossible.

I'm told to "hang in there."  That eventually it will come off.  My husband tells me that.  My TOPS friends tell me that.  My Calorie King friends tell me that.  I'm beginning to not believe it.  I cannot get under and stay below 200.

I've given up Chinese food, most Mexican food, restaurant soup.  I seldom have french fries anymore.  Pizza?  3-4 times a year.  A milkshake.  What's that?

My closest friend told me I talk about my weight too much so I try not to do that anymore.  Sometimes it's hard to not have someone to vent to.  But other people need to vent also.  So I'm trying to keep my mouth shut in the public setting.

I'm 63.  Will I ever learn the perfect way to do this?

Am I alone in feeling this way?  No.  I know I'm not alone.

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